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2017.04.01 News

Lost Colony of Li'l Cats Discovered to Possess the Awakened Gene: Scientists Dumbfounded!

Intergovernmental feline research agency PONOS confirmed on Friday the existence of an isolated colony of Li'l Cats appearing to show signs of the Awakened mutation. Awakened Cats became the subject of much media scrutiny in 2015, when they were thought to have been responsible for adorable destruction and chaos in several major population centers worldwide.

Dr. I.M. Katt, head of the PONOS Research Division, spoke at an emergency press conference on Thursday, pleading with the public for calm. "While it is true that Cats of both the Awakened and Li'l types are accused by many hysterical media sources of rampages across the globe, there is no reason to believe that this genetic combination of Awakened and Li'l will lead to further "Awakened Stages". The sort of unnatural aggression needed for that phenomenon to occur again would require at least 28,000,000 downloads."

However, independent researchers such as Dr. U.B. Doge have responded to PONOS' pleas for calm with skepticism, noting that app store conditions are showing unusual developments under which high levels of installations can easily occur. "It's not a matter of 'if', but a matter of 'when'. I don't know what PONOS is trying to hide, but our experiments have shown that, for example, a standard Li'l Gross Cat has the potential of extreme muscle development and attack range growth when exposed to Awakened material. Be afraid! Be very afraid!"

Social media has lit up over the last 24 hours in response to this alarming news, putting pressure on governments and PONOS staff to answer tough questions such "When is the next Stories of Legend chapter going to be released?", "Why do I have so many Archer Cats?", "Can I have some free Cat Food?", and "What's Valkyrie Cat's phone number?"

PONOS has so far yet to provide substantial responses for any of these very relevant questions.

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